|Posted by Amanda Reed on December 7, 2014 at 10:30 AM|
Something I've found about doing a journey like this is that, for those of us who have always had a weight problem, we tend to bury past hurts and emotions in our fat layers. It may sound a little nutty, but I really think it's true. There were times as the weight was coming off when I was doing WW that I'd hit plateaus where memories and emotions from my past would come flooding back. Self-sabotage wasn't far behind. When I finally hit a place where I really needed to dive in and face things I never wanted to face, I fell completely off the wagon. Of course, there were other factors as well, definite problems with the WW program.... But a big part of any journey is healing, and I was in desperate need of some. I lost hope and faith and started finding the weight.
Some people, like my husband, and my daughter, just need a program that works for them. They get on that program and the weight comes off, and it's no big deal to stick to it. But if you are like I was, and you need more than a good program, you feel like a light breeze could knock you off course, it's time to start digging. Something has happened to you, or you've done something, or someone's done something to you. There was a turning point in your life where eating stopped being about hunger and became something else. For one person I've spoken to, it was about control. It was the only thing they had control over when something in their childhood was spiraling out of control. For me, it was a punishment. I ate until it hurt, because I felt like I was undeserving of feeling well, due to abuse I endured before the age of 5.
So how do we deal with these things? Head on... and frankly, with God's help. I don't know how others do it without Him. if you need help that doesn't involve the Lord, you're on the wrong blog site. I threw myself at His feet, and through much tears and wailing, I found forgiveness. Forgiveness for others and forgiveness for myself. I learned a very important lesson from a wonderful, Godly lady. She said that there is nothing in the Bible that says we need to forgive ourselves, and that when we can't forgive ourselves, it's a form of doubting God's authority to grant forgiveness! Wow.. what an awakening. So in accepting God's forgiveness and love, truly, and being able to honestly say that I don't want my abusers to have my abuses held to their charge, I found freedom. (And happiness, and healing, and amazing joy.... patience, and love, too.)
If you are in a place in your weight loss journey or in any sort of journey of self-discovery, and you keep getting tripped up at the smallest of events, it's time for some reflection and meditation. There's likely some pain inside of you that you have never fully released. The fat layers are possibly protecting your heart, or a shield around you, defenses of some kind that you are afraid of letting down. There may well be a reason they are there, and you need to find that reason, and heal.